


The Fourth Journal

by BuzzCat



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Stangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 01:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15061952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuzzCat/pseuds/BuzzCat
Summary: In the aftermath of Weirdmageddon, Dipper and Mabel are cleaning up when they find another journal. But this isn't like the other journals, this is like... a diary?





	The Fourth Journal

It was in the strange time after Weirdmageddon. The twins had already had their birthday, celebrated with cake and friends and it had been everything Dipper and Mabel had wanted. There were still a few days before they had to go home and the whole Pines family (Soos included) had been working on restoring the Shack to its former ‘glory’.

The idea of leaving was so weird. They had survived countless terrors, fought nondimensional monsters and won against a dream demon, all in pursuit of protecting the people of Gravity Falls, and now they were just…leaving? It didn’t feel right to Dipper, or Mabel, but it was what was going to happen. Mabel and Dipper both knew they had to go home. It made the last few days, even after bringing back Grunkle Stan’s memories, bittersweet.

Dipper was putting fallen books back on the shelf and Mabel was rearranging the dinosaur skull when Dipper picked up a notebook he hadn’t seen before. He turned it over to see if there was a title, marveling at how old the paper felt, crisp and brittle in his hands. The only hint to its contents was the familiar handwriting on the cover proclaiming its title. Dipper gasped and hissed at his sister,

“Mabel, look at this.” Dipper spoke reverently, holding the notebook up to his sister. Written on the cover in faded Sharpie was the title ‘Journal A’. It looked nothing like the other two. In place of fine binding and a golden handprint, it was a cheap notebook like Dipper and Mabel had for school. Blue paper cover, spiral-bound, eighty pages, wide-ruled paper.

Mabel’s eyes went wide, “Dipper. Ford never told us he had another journal. Maybe this is like, his super-secret journal.”

“Mabel, I think all of his journals were supposed to be super-secret.” Dipper opened the front cover and his stomach dropped as he started reading. Maybe Mabel was right, because this journal wasn’t anything like the others. This journal was, well, a journal. Dipper began to read aloud,

“’It’s just so hard to think out here. The woods are so loud and there’s so much work to do. So much I have to get done. So I need to think. I need to sort out my thoughts.’” The next word was crossed out in thick black ink, the pen pushing so hard into the paper it left pressure marks. The sentence picked up after that, “’He did the same thing, gave me the idea for this stupid thing. Maybe it’ll help.’” Dipper looked up at Mabel, hesitating,

“I don’t know if we should be reading this. This isn’t like the other journals. This is like, a diary.”

“Yeah…” Mabel agreed hesitantly.

“And if it’s Ford’s diary, he probably already told us everything there is to know,” Dipper said, closing the journal. He’d already pried into Ford’s brain once and even though he had learned important things, he’d felt guilty ever since. Great Uncle Ford probably would have told him when he was ready to, but Dipper had pushed him. It wouldn’t be right to go digging into Ford’s brain again. “Besides, this is just going to be feelings and stuff.”

“But Dipper, you know I LOVE feelings and stuff,” Mabel whined.

“I know, but—”

“Kids, come get dinner!” Stan shouted from the kitchen. Dipper hastily put the book on the shelf and went to the kitchen. Mabel followed a step behind, waiting until Dipper’s back was turned before she grabbed the new journal and tucked it into her sweater.

 

That night, Mabel waited until Dipper had fallen asleep before pulling the journal out. She knew it probably wasn’t right to read a journal like this, but Mabel couldn’t help it. Monsters and creatures, that was Dipper’s area of expertise. Mabel’s area of expertise was feelings and if she could get a glimpse into what her grunkle had been like before the portal, she’d take that chance with both hands. And, as Mabel opened the journal, maybe it was nice to know the contents of the journal before Dipper did. It was nice to know something about their grunkles and Gravity Falls before Dipper for a change.

As Mabel read the journal, however, the things she was learning were not good things. For one, she realized that this wasn’t Ford’s journal.

This was Stan’s.

It talked about Stan building the portal, about how much he missed his brother. There were some entries that were short, just a mention of something he’d seen that he wanted to ask Ford about. The journal seemed to hold everything. Thoughts and fears Stan had, escapades with the local animals, even a few notes on deciphering the code the journals had used. The thing that seemed to feature predominantly, however, were Stan’s thoughts on Ford. Sometimes, Stan was yelling on paper, writing in all caps and punching holes with how hard he’d been pushing on the pen. Other times, the words and paper were distorted with what looked like tears on the paper as Stan wrote about how he’d failed yet again, how he was always a failure, about how he’d failed Ford and he’d failed their parents and how he was destined to always be a failure, a screw-up, a disaster. The entry that broke her heart the most, however, was a simple line: “Happy birthday Sixer. I’ll get you back soon.”

The entry was dated 1998.

Mabel read the whole thing in a single night, tears budding in her eyes by the third page and streaming into her pajamas by the sixth. She pulled Waddles up beside her, keeping a tight grip around her pig as she flipped pages with her other hand. By the time she finished, the birds were starting to chirp outside, and she had cried herself out. Rubbing at the salt that had collected in the corners of her eyes, Mabel gently slipped the notebook under her pillow and laid down, staring at the ceiling. Despite the words haunting her that came through in such a familiar voice, she fell into an exhausted sleep.

 

When Mabel woke up, the sunlight was streaming into her room. Waddles was laying beside her, eyes open as he patiently waited for her to get up and feed him. Dipper was already pulling on his shoes. Mabel rubbed her eyes blearily and said in a voice rough with sleep,

“Dip-dop?”

“Hey, sorry I woke up you. Ford and I are going exploring today. Apparently, the last time he was here he found this really cool pool in the woods and he wants to see if it’s still there. Do you want to come with?”

Mabel shook her head and buried herself in the covers,

“Sleeeeeeeep…” was her answer. Dipper smiled,

“Sounds good. See you later!”

Mabel listened as he walked down the stairs, heard him chattering to Ford about the things he was excited to see. It was good that they were going to go exploring, though the idea of those two out together still had her worried that Dipper would do something stupid, like accept Ford’s apprenticeship or something equally terrible. Mabel told herself for the hundredth time that that wasn’t going to happen and that she needed to stop dwelling.

But try as she might, Mabel couldn’t get back to sleep. She could feel the journal under her pillow, filled to the brim with thoughts and ideas and so much sadness it hurt to think about. Things her Grunkle Stan had fought against so many years ago. It had Mabel’s mind in a hamster wheel, running around and around and not getting anywhere beyond the overwhelming sadness of how her grunkle had been feeling. How he might still be feeling.

Mabel listened to Ford and Dipper as they put together their hiking packs for the day, triple checking that each of them had their journal. She heard Stan cracking jokes about the both of them being the biggest pair of idiot geniuses he’d ever seen if they thought they didn’t need sunscreen before going out, telling stories of how Dipper had come back more than once this summer burnt to a crisp from the sun. Dipper, of course, stammered something about all that being nonsense, he’d obviously never forget sunscreen. Finally, she heard the screen door close and Dipper and Ford head out for the day.

Mabel hugged Waddles to her and cried.

There was just so much in that journal, so much hurt and Stan had had no one. That was immediately apparent; there was no mention of anyone as a friend or employee, or even anyone important to him in Gravity Falls, until Soos appeared. Stan had been utterly alone when he’d been hurting, and nothing could hurt Mabel more than that.

Mabel must have been in bed longer than she’d realized because before she knew it, there was familiar slow steps on the stairs and a knock on the door,

“Mabel? You alright?” The door creaked open and Grunkle Stan stepped in, “You’re normally up with the sun so I thought I’d come in and check—” He stopped short at the sight of tear tracks on Mabel’s face. Mabel jumped out of bed and ran forward, wrapping her arms around Stan’s waist. He stumbled with the force of her affection before putting his arms around her, “Mabel, what’s wrong? Did that no-good twerp Gideon do something? I don’t care if he is reformed, I’ll box his ears into next week.”

Mabel shook her head and said in a shaky voice, “I’m sorry.”

Stan frowned, putting his hands up in surrender, “Woah, hey kid, what are you apologizing for?” Mabel refused to meet his eye, keeping her face buried in his shirt. Stan made his way over to her bed and sat down, bringing Mabel up to sit beside him. Mabel ignored where he put her and instead crawled into his lap, eyes still watery as she again buried her face in his shirt. Stan hesitantly patted her back, which made her cry more. Finally, Stan spoke up, “Mabel? What’s wrong?”

Mabel leaned into his chest, bringing a hand up to wipe at her eyes as she explained, “It’s just…you were so sad.”

“What? When? Because since I punched Bill into another dimension, I haven’t had a thing to be sad about.” He gave her a conman grin and Mabel shook her head and reached across her bed, stretching out to pull the notebook from under her pillow. As soon as Stan saw the cover, she felt him tense up.

“Where did you find that?” His voice was suddenly rough and nervous. Mabel held it in her hands, both desperate to hug it close and to throw it as far away as possible.

“Dipper and I found it in the library when we were cleaning up.” She looked up at Stan with teary eyes, “Stan, you were so sad.”

Stan took the journal from her, putting it on the bed beside him before he responded, “I was. When I wrote this, I uh, I wasn’t in a great place.” Mabel nodded in agreement. Stan eyed her suspiciously, “How much did you read?”

“All of it.” Mabel couldn’t quite meet his eye. Stan sighed and pulled her in a little closer. Mabel’s arms wrapped around his torso as best they could, and she held him tight, as tight as she dared in the hope that somehow, she could heal how sad he’d been thirty years ago. Stan laughed in a way that meant it wasn’t funny at all,

“’All of it’, she says. And Dipper read it too?”

Mabel shook her head, “I read it after he fell asleep. He found it, but he didn’t read it.”

Stan nodded. The room was silent for a while before Mabel clung to him harder and a fresh wave of tears hit, “I’m so sorry, Grunkle Stan. You were hurting, and no one was there and I’m sorry. Hurting and no one being there hurts the worst.”

“Hey hey, shush pumpkin. It’s okay. I’m here and everything is good, see? I’m okay.”

Mabel looked up at him with watery eyes,

“Are you, Grunkle Stan? Because some of the things you said in the book, about…about being worthless or a screw-up, they weren’t very nice things.” It was like a lightbulb went off in her head; Mabel knew how she could fix this. She dug around in a bag hanging off her bed, grabbing a “You’re the Best!” sticker and sticking it to Stan’s face with a ‘bwap!’.

“You have to say nicer things to yourself, Grunkle Stan. Stop being so mean. If someone was mean to you or Grunkle Ford or Dipper like that, I’d be so mad, I’d—I’d—”

“Beat the snot out of them like you did with the unicorns?” he suggested.

“Yeah, that!” Mabel said. Stan shrugged,

“I mean, it’s not like what I said was any meaner than the schtick the unicorns use.”

Mabel whined at Stan’s words, “But Grunkle Stan, the unicorns are no-good selfish liars! And you’re a liar too, but you’re not selfish. It’s totally different.”

“Yeah, unicorns are pretty trash critters. Sorry about that, by the way. Ford could’ve at least given you a heads-up on that one.”

“Don’t distract me with unicorns, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel said commandingly. “You have to PROMISE to talk nicer to yourself. Especially after Dipper and I leave. Do you promise?” Mabel leveled him with a glare that could melt hardened criminals. Stan shrugged,

“Yeah, I guess I’ll try to be nicer or whatever.”

Mabel nodded in a single jerky motion, “Good. And if you aren’t being nice, I’ll know! I’ll call you every day to remind you to be nicer to yourself, okay?”

“I mean, I don’t know if I can handle talking to a gremlin like yourself every day. Sounds a little intense.”

Mabel, of course, didn’t believe a word of it, “You’re going to miss me so hard, Grunkle Stan.” She threw her arms around him in what as more of a chokehold than a hug but Stan just hugged her tighter as she said, “And I’m going to miss you too, you gross old man.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always accepting more Gravity Falls prompts! Leave them in the comments here or send them to me on my Tumblr: beatrice-babe.tumblr.com


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